Yes, you read that right. My mother and father might be a little shocked (or not). My chances of offending someone probably just increased exponentially. But I am smiling and laughing at seemingly random times whenever these words run through my head. I think I’ve finally found a motto to motivate myself to keep helping the good shit happen.
You see, in 5 days I am leaving a job which ended up neither inspiring nor fulfilling me, that had me yearning for more heartfelt work with people in this crazy, beautiful journey of life. I am leaving this job I’ve had for the past one and a half years for…? For what? That is the huge, looming question on my horizon. What’s next? What am I doing next? Crap. Shouldn’t I have a plan?! Most (smart, creative, worrisome, scarcity-minded) people would (and do) have a plan. So maybe I am not as smart as I thought I was. Maybe I’m not as creative as I thought I was. Or maybe it depends on which voice I listen to.
The first voice said, “Grab life by the balls and start juggling!” The second voice (my inner critic) said, “Really? I can’t believe you just said that! Who do you think you are?” It can be tough to tune out the inner critic- the circling dialogue it perpetuates, the put-downs and self-doubts, the veiled notion that it is watching out for your best interest. It isn’t watching out for you. It doesn’t have your best interests at heart. It will encourage you to stay in situations of perceived security or support, whatever the reason(s) may be. The inner critic demands to be heard. Meanwhile, your heart’s song is being drowned out by this noise.
So I am deliberately choosing to strip away some noise via this non-plan in an effort to unveil the abundance in my life and in my heart. I hope I can be aware of what I am choosing and why. I know I can be aware of what I am choosing and why. I know this is getting close to the root of creatively designing my life, but I haven’t yet immersed myself in the true risk of it before. I am learning that I am the one and only artist of my life. So what do I want to make of my masterpiece ?